She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
