If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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