i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
