She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we made out on top of his cat.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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