Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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