**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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