Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
