He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
