nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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