She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
