They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Terrible idea I love it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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