grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
