Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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