I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
