is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
