just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
