he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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