Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
