butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
did i just pee glitter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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