I'm gonna have a badass scar
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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