they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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