i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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