Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
3 2 1 whiskey
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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