Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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