How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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