I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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