did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize