apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
