i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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