this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
