in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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