i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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