Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
