saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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