Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the raccoons are back...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
