the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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