how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
