no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
