PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
