So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
