I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
