my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
