You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
