Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
