i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
