Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
