I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
