I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
