I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
