I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
