how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
