I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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