You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
