I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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