If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
