Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
