Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I AM VODKA MAN
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
