There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
