I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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