guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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