I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
