i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
