Buhtt sex?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
