im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Someone signed my nipple.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
