I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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