Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
