You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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