When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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