I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
