dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
